Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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