The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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