i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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