She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
