I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
