I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
