The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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