I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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