She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me I should be a condom model.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize