1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
foreskin is a definite game changer
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
