well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
