Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
