Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
