Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
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