...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
