somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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