$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
