is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
