Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
