i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
