he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
3 2 1 whiskey
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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