i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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