She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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