Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
