I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize