Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
please don't ironically join a cult
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