She said her name was "party"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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