marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
is it fun? or sober?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
