If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
