If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
