there's paper in my vomit.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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