You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
