your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
