I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
