drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
