ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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