Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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