I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
