she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
