I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
