I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
