Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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