I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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