What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
