Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
