how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
