I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
