I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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