sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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