He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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