Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
