my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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