Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize