she was so not down for the gang bang
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
