before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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