I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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