I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to be your penis for a week.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
