i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
