If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
