he puts the penis in happiness.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
