I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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