Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wow bdsm is so cute
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
