This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
