There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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