some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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