There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
