He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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