I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize